THE DARK SIDE OF "THE SECRET"

Oh Dear. Just back from a shopping trip at Marshall's (my very favorite store in the world... I'm planning the Marshall's World Tour someday but in the meantime, just trying to hit every location I can... but that's another story.)

Where was I? Oh, right... shopping.

So there I was in the dressing room, slipping on a couple of jeans (hmph, too snug. Surprising.) and a few tops (what's that bulging???) when it occurs to me that I'm witnessing a manifestation of "The Secret".

Maybe you heard about it on Oprah, or read the book yourself or watched the DVD or saw any of the pintillion articles written about it lately as the world slaps its head in a collective 'Doh!' as it takes in the concept of the Law of Attraction.

Based on everything in this world essentially being made of energy (don't believe me? Ask your science teacher) this "Secret" asserts that the universe will give you whatever you ask for. More than simple wish fulfillment, the theory is that by talking about or thinking about or imagining something, you create it in your own life. On the good side, if you picture yourself being happy and successful, the energy that creates that concept will attract or create the energy that makes it happen. Conversely, if you focus on being miserable, lonely and troubled... well, you will see that misery does indeed love company. Yours. Got it? And it works specifically- imagine a good day at work, finding the perfect pair of shoes and the universe will deliver.

So, let this serve as a warning to you. And a great reason to focus on the good stuff. Even karmically, I suppose, this serves as a lesson to be careful what you focus on and try to be sure it's mostly good and not evil.

This was my lesson and it was all driven home last night in the Marshall's dressing room. Ah yes, we're back to Marshall's.

Here's why.

Sometime ago, within the past year, I came across an article that coined the term 'muffin top' describing the rounded blob of fat spilling out over the top of a pair of jeans (particularly those slung too low). Well, I was highly amused having seen any number of women sporting the look and always wondering (cruelly, perhaps... okay. Just cruelly) 'What, no full length mirror?'. So I took the new word 'muffin top' and shared it, wrote about it, laughed about it and pretty much used it within an inch of it's unflattering little life.

Apparently The Universe was listening. So there I was last night standing slack jawed staring in the mirror and almost hearing the universal prankster snickering 'is this not what you asked for?'

Of course, having a hearty and healthy sense of humor I about doubled over laughing... and since I was shopping with Lain, we shared this cosmic joke and discussed a new style of dressing. We call it camouflage clothing (cause 'fat fashion' is just too harsh). A new wardrobe of flarey and flouncy, pouffy and very, very loose. Like revisiting maternity wear. Yes, we agreed, we could just eliminate fashions that fit and skim and hug and taper regarding them as evil purely designed to shame and depress you. Oh we were laughing so hard.

So now I have a choice. I can embrace the puffy look... or I can try to forget that Riverhead just got a new bakery, walk by the Entenmann's display, keep my hands at my side in the candy aisle. I could get a little (cough, cough) active... walk the dogs, rediscover yoga, or maybe just get up off the couch once in a while. Or maybe I can just imagine the fat melting off. (I can do that!) Whatever it is, I'm going to have to do something to make amends for the evil new silhouette that I have brought on myself.

"The Secret", it appears now, is to think thin. And never utter the words "muffin top" again.