RE- NAMING GLOBAL WARMING..

Global Warming got you down? Can't find a reporter to take it seriously? Frustrated that coverage of 'Who's the baby daddy?' got the attention while the bleak report by 441 scientists on Climate Change was pretty much ignored? 

I hear ya. And I've got an idea. We've got to pass legislation to toss "Global Warming" and replace it with "THE CLIMATE CRISIS". Kinda makes it difficult to ignore, mock or to sweep under the rug, don't you think? People who shall remain nameless (okay, Mark and thousands more) are missing the big picture. They're finding it too easy to turn a blind eye to what we're doing to our environment, our atmosphere and our home planet. 

The media is partly to blame -because a cynical and significant portion (okay, FOX News and then some) aren't giving it half the attention that they've given the passing of Don Ho. The white hot spotlight of news is too focused on Angelina's next adoptee or Sanjaya's next hairstyle rather than addressing the threat of extinction to, among other species, the Polar Bear. I mean, aren't Polar Bears as cute as any of Angelina's kids??

 There's a very revealing part of the documentary "An Inconvenient Truth", where they look at a sample group of articles from scientific journals on Global Warming and find 100% report a very real threat. Conversely of the same number of reports sampled in the mass media, nearly HALF either discounted or refuted the reality of a global warming crisis. (And now because of a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth media circus surrounding Don Imus and an offhanded remark (yes, it was offensive and racist and sexist and just STUPID but you're telling me that it's worse than anything Howard "PigBoy" Stern ever said? Or did? Or promoted?? I don't think so... but I digress) we've lost the voice of a man who at least had some sort of awareness of the dark side of politics and media and attempted to shine a little light on it. And who, or what are we left with? Oh, I've gotten way off track.) 

 All I want to say is, let's start referring to the fact that the temperature of the earth is steadily climbing, that we're facing horrific and uncontrollable weather events that are resulting in great loss of lives, homes and property (and even, baby rant here: the loss of STINKING INSURANCE COVERAGE by the companies that were more than happy to take your money when there was little chance they'd have to give it back). Oh dear. I seem to be building up a lot of steam. Ah hem... 

Again, the point that I'm calmly and quietly trying to make is, can we just get a movement going to replace the soft-peddled and innocuous 'global warming' with the way more direct and impossible to ridicule 'Climate Crisis'? Maybe that way no one will be able to make a joke about it when a record cold is recorded (climate crisis!!) or there is an unseasonable amount of rainfall (climate crisis!!). I say give it a name with some teeth. Maybe that's the only way it'll really sink in for some people.

THE DARK SIDE OF "THE SECRET"

Oh Dear. Just back from a shopping trip at Marshall's (my very favorite store in the world... I'm planning the Marshall's World Tour someday but in the meantime, just trying to hit every location I can... but that's another story.)

Where was I? Oh, right... shopping.

So there I was in the dressing room, slipping on a couple of jeans (hmph, too snug. Surprising.) and a few tops (what's that bulging???) when it occurs to me that I'm witnessing a manifestation of "The Secret".

Maybe you heard about it on Oprah, or read the book yourself or watched the DVD or saw any of the pintillion articles written about it lately as the world slaps its head in a collective 'Doh!' as it takes in the concept of the Law of Attraction.

Based on everything in this world essentially being made of energy (don't believe me? Ask your science teacher) this "Secret" asserts that the universe will give you whatever you ask for. More than simple wish fulfillment, the theory is that by talking about or thinking about or imagining something, you create it in your own life. On the good side, if you picture yourself being happy and successful, the energy that creates that concept will attract or create the energy that makes it happen. Conversely, if you focus on being miserable, lonely and troubled... well, you will see that misery does indeed love company. Yours. Got it? And it works specifically- imagine a good day at work, finding the perfect pair of shoes and the universe will deliver.

So, let this serve as a warning to you. And a great reason to focus on the good stuff. Even karmically, I suppose, this serves as a lesson to be careful what you focus on and try to be sure it's mostly good and not evil.

This was my lesson and it was all driven home last night in the Marshall's dressing room. Ah yes, we're back to Marshall's.

Here's why.

Sometime ago, within the past year, I came across an article that coined the term 'muffin top' describing the rounded blob of fat spilling out over the top of a pair of jeans (particularly those slung too low). Well, I was highly amused having seen any number of women sporting the look and always wondering (cruelly, perhaps... okay. Just cruelly) 'What, no full length mirror?'. So I took the new word 'muffin top' and shared it, wrote about it, laughed about it and pretty much used it within an inch of it's unflattering little life.

Apparently The Universe was listening. So there I was last night standing slack jawed staring in the mirror and almost hearing the universal prankster snickering 'is this not what you asked for?'

Of course, having a hearty and healthy sense of humor I about doubled over laughing... and since I was shopping with Lain, we shared this cosmic joke and discussed a new style of dressing. We call it camouflage clothing (cause 'fat fashion' is just too harsh). A new wardrobe of flarey and flouncy, pouffy and very, very loose. Like revisiting maternity wear. Yes, we agreed, we could just eliminate fashions that fit and skim and hug and taper regarding them as evil purely designed to shame and depress you. Oh we were laughing so hard.

So now I have a choice. I can embrace the puffy look... or I can try to forget that Riverhead just got a new bakery, walk by the Entenmann's display, keep my hands at my side in the candy aisle. I could get a little (cough, cough) active... walk the dogs, rediscover yoga, or maybe just get up off the couch once in a while. Or maybe I can just imagine the fat melting off. (I can do that!) Whatever it is, I'm going to have to do something to make amends for the evil new silhouette that I have brought on myself.

"The Secret", it appears now, is to think thin. And never utter the words "muffin top" again.